IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS

Improving your relationships in 2011 may take some self evaluation but if it could make your marriage stronger, your parent/child relationships closer, work relationships better, and overall create a peaceful life wouldn’t the work be worth it?

So what kind of self evaluation will it take? First, you may want to put a list together of everything you would like to have changed in 2011. This list may be things like, less fighting with partner, spend more time with kids, improve health, and whatever else you would want to improve or change in 2011.

Once you have this list you can take each item on the list, decide which items on the list are the most important. Once you have determined which items are most important, it is time to answer some difficult questions about each of these items.

If less fighting with spouse, partner is important then it is time to figure out why the fights are happening. This can be a difficult process because it isn’t about looking at your partner to see what is wrong you have to look at yourself to see why. Generally the expected fighting in a relationship is financial problems, kids, in-laws, and other everyday life problems.

The other fights are generally from the secrets and lies that are kept from your partner or spouse. These secrets can be things that are very small but you don’t talk about it with your partner because you fear the fights or accusations that would come if you were honest. These small secrets build up over time and create resentment toward your partner because you can’t be honest.

Once you have held these secrets to the point of feeling guilt and resentment the fights get bigger because you start personalizing and taking everything your partner says as an attack or judgment. You become defensive and the walls come up and the relationship becomes distant. Now if your partner is doing the same thing the relationship becomes distant from both sides. The intimacy becomes cold and the relationship can become more like roommates then best friends and companions.

Well here is where the self evaluation comes in. It is time to clean up your side of the street. This is important because it will decrease the guilt and resentment once the things you have been holding in are out on the table. Telling someone you love all of the lies and secrets you have been holding in is a difficult and scary process. It is worth the feeling that comes when you relieve yourself of these secrets and lies. If you are not able to talk about some of the secrets or feel they may be more hurtful to your partner then you need to decide what you will do about those secrets. These secrets are everything from closet drug or alcohol users to extra marital affairs. Of course there are some even more extreme than this but they get into a much bigger issue than what you can deal with here.

If there is something like an affair you are not willing to talk about with your partner and not willing to stop this other relationship then the reality is that the relationship with your partner will continue the way it is. Being honest in a relationship is one of the biggest keys to a healthy relationship. Secrets will always put up walls and create a barrier between you and the person you are keeping the secret from.

OK, so once you have cleaned up your side of the street it is time to start practicing being honest in your everyday life. This means that you become very aware of what you are doing and saying. We have a tendency to sugar coat things or omit little parts of our stories. Practice on telling everything, but in a tactful manner, of course. As you are doing this throughout your day notice how much lighter and freer you feel.

Hopefully, this will open the door for your partner to be completely honest too. But remember this is about self evaluation and taking a deep look into why you act the way you do in the relationship.

For more information contact Kelly at www.repairnlife.com